


I'm lucky I have you

by estroberikeyk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Catsumu, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not Beta Read, Reincarnation, Vacation, sakusuffer agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:35:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estroberikeyk/pseuds/estroberikeyk
Summary: There is a silent knock on his glass window, too soft for a kid to play a prank on him but loud enough to reach to the other side of the room where his desk is placed. Kiyoomi's vision was kind of blurry from staring too much on gadgets but he faintly saw a yellow-orange outside of his window, tapping violently on its glass.… A cat?or; after an accident that seems like destroyed Kiyoomi's life, a terrifyingly familiar cat came knocking on his window.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi & Miya Osamu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	I'm lucky I have you

_ “I’m sorry. We did our best.” _

All his life, Kiyoomi never did let any people dictate his life. Not even his parents. For years, he lived ignoring what the others said about his appearance or skills or his abnormalities. He lived such a contented lie and yet... those seven words from the doctor who just left the emergency room is enough to destroy his life.  _ What do they mean they did their best? Why are they apologizing? Why do they look like they are ready to get screamed at? Go back, save that one person in your care. What are you doing? Go! Save him! _

Kiyoomi wanted to hurl. There’s a raging storm inside of him wanting to scream and cry and wail. Anything just to mourn for his late lover but… he didn’t. He stood there like a statue who was forgotten by time. He didn’t move. He didn’t talk. He just stood there completely frozen. No tears. No words.  _ No anything. _

“Sakusa.” It was Osamu’s voice. He’s sure of it. But Kiyoomi doesn’t have the guts to turn around, no, he just couldn’t look at osamu’s face without having the feeling of regrets and dread.  _ Not now, atleast. _

“What is it?” Kiyoomi shivered in his own voice. So cold, so lifeless,  _ so tired.  _ He doesn’t even try.

Osamu didn’t say anything by the next minute, and then he heard a sigh and a pat on his shoulder, “I understand if you don’t want to stay until the funeral is finished, but…” He squeezed Kiyoomi’s shoulder, just making him feel his presence. To tell him that he’s not alone in this. “‘Tsumu will love it if you stay.”

Kiyoomi purses his lips, he tried to find the tears in his eyes but he couldn’t. He can’t cry. And it’s making him frustrated. He wanted to feel things even if it’s the pain or agony, he wanted to feel the overflowing sadness. But all he has is this hollowness inside his heart, turning him into this cold and emotionless person.

He reached for Osamu’s hand on his shoulder, giving it a light tap. “We’ll see.”

Kiyoomis couldn’t see it. But Osamu gave him a sad smile, “Thank you.”

* * *

Roughly four months after Atsumu decided to leave them. Four months of suffering. Four months of coldness. Four months of loneliness in their little bedroom that no longer filled with light. No more coffee dates in the morning, no one to wake him up when he overslept, no more medicines and massages when he have headaches. No one to cuddle at night and no one to greet ‘good morning’ to. His list could go on but will that change anything?  _ No.  _ And that is such a painful truth. 

And like in those four months, his own desk and the one in his office are filled with paperworks, some untouched and some unfinished. Some are actually other people’s works but he really doesn’t care. His eyes too tired of staring at his laptop for too long, his mind aching begging to take a break, his shoulders tensed and giving in. He could have a break if he wanted to actually, his boss constantly reminding him that he should take a vacation for at least a day or two. But rest or a break or whatever it is can only lead to one thing. 

_ Yearning for Atsumu. _

He’ll spend his time curled up on their old bed, sniffing what is left on Atsumu’s scent on his pillow. A vacation means forgetting to do laundry because someone else always did it for him, it means remembering Atsumu in every corner of the house, remembering him watering their plants in their little garden, remembering him asking permission to hug after a workout in the gym, remembering him everywhere. Until it drives Kiyoomi crazy.

And so he refused to leave his desk and paperworks, away from life. Away from reality.

But it doesn’t really go to how we wanted it to be sometimes.

There is a silent knock on his glass window, too soft for a kid to play a prank on him but loud enough to reach to the other side of the room where his desk is placed. Kiyoomi's vision was kind of blurry from staring too much on gadgets but he faintly saw a yellow-orange outside of his window, tapping violently on its glass.

… A cat?

Curiously, Kiyoomi walked towards the glass window and opened it to the poor guy outside. He meowed loudly as he entered Kiyoomi's room, meowed again as it shakes his small body and lay on the carpet, stomach showing to him. In normal days, Kiyoomi would find it disgusting with cat furs all over the place, especially on his carpet. But he may actually be losing his mind as of this moment because he actually finds it… endearing? He's cute with his pink little toe beans showing, as if encouraging him to squeeze.

And Kiyoomi didn't even try to resist. 

He sat down cautiously beside the cat on the carpet, he seemed extremely happy that Kiyoomi decided to seat with him. He couldn't help but laugh a little as he scratched the cat's chin, the feline leaning on his touch. 

"Sweet." Kiyoomi muttered and the cat just meowed back, "You're loud for a cat. Are you lost?" 

Of course the cat would not answer other than "meow", and yet Kiyoomi still talked to him as if he understood him completely. He pets his head, rubs his belly, even let him climb over his shoulder just to get tickled by Kiyoomi's hair. He hasn't smiled or laughed this much for a while, he even completely forgot about the work that he needed to finish. Ah, why is it like this?

"Oh?" Kiyoomi couldn't help but to splurt it out as the cat suddenly stood up and jumped towards the window. "It's time for you to go, huh?" He scratched the cat's chin for one last time, the feline leaning in his touch and closing his eyes. Kiyoomi chuckled at the sight, "Goodbye, then." The cat meowed in response before jumping off. 

Kiyoomi went back to his desk and faced the papers once more. Well, that was a distraction, now time to work again. 

* * *

And when Kiyoomi thought that was their first and last meeting, the cat came back every now and then. Sometimes it stays for a day, putting his cat furs from all over the place and sometimes he's just there to bug Kiyoomi from his paperworks. At first, he paid it no mind but after seven times, he realized that the cat magically appears whenever he's thinking of Atsumu or just plain lonely inside this wide apartment. 

It did help him to cope. The papers on his desk lessened, and the time spend on mourning and agonizing was forgotten. Pets do make the house livelier, or so they say. Speaking of pets, does this cat even have an owner? He doesn't wear a collar, so maybe he's stray? 

"You're strange, aren't you?" Kiyoomi said as he pet the cat's head. The cat just meowed at him happily, taking it as a compliment. "You've been here so long but I still don't know what to call you."

The cat stood up straight in front of him, meowed a bit louder this time. Kiyoomi laughed. 

"You want me to name you?"

_ Meow! _

"Hm. Cinnamon?"

_ Meow… _

"You don't like it?"

_ Meow. _

"Then…" Kiyoomi thought for a bit. Something that is fitting of him, something that reminds him of the cat. Something…  _ someone.  _ "Chum?"

_ Meow!! _

"I see you like it." Kiyoomi smiled and scratched the cat's- Chum's- chin. He meows loudly. Kiyoomi's smile melted as he did, something felt familiar to him. The giggles and head scratches, the pleading and naughty voices. Kiyoomi felt like he forgot about it for a long time but the truth is, he just put it in the farthest corner of his mind. Like a pandora's box where something bad will happen if he opened it. 

Something did happen as he opened that box of ignored memories. 

But it's not bad. It will never be bad. 

The sound of Atsumu's voice as he called him, the tone of his voice when happy or sad or angry, the way his arms found its way to Kiyoomi's waist, how his lips will be all over his boyfriend's face and neck, cellphones left ringing in the table as they busied themselves with each other's lips. It was those little things in their lives that made them happier, contented. And Kiyoomi felt horrible for neglecting those things. 

"Meow…" Chum placed his paws on Kiyoomi's cheeks, tapping on it and worried. Ah, when did he even start crying? Kiyoomi really felt horrible, why did it take almost seven months until he finally cried about Atsumu? He's such a terrible boyfriend, can't even mourn for his lover properly. What is he even doing?

"Sorry, Chum. You have to see that." He pets the cat's head, the latter purring in worry. "I'm fine. But do you mind? I wanted to be alone for a bit." 

The feline looks hesitant at first, but it walks towards him and boops his nose on Kiyoomi's cheek before giving it a lick. Such a smart cat, no wonder that Kiyoomi was captivated. He said his silent goodbyes to Chum before it went and disappeared on his window. When the cat is not on sight anymore, his tears flow down his cheeks once more. One after another and another, never-ending.

He murmured his wishes. His hopes and regrets for when Atsumu was still here,  _ if  _ Atsumu is still here. He would've hugged him tighter, said "I love you"s more. He should've helped him with the broken printer or fixed his broken mug. He should've done those things for him. Those silly helplessness, his tantrums, his gentle touches,  _ Atsumu.  _

He lets out everything in that room that screams Atsumu Miya and Sakusa Kiyoomi everywhere. 

But now it's Sakusa Kiyoomi alone. 

* * *

Kiyoomi started to get better after that day; cleaning the whole house thoroughly just like before, doing the laundry, finally having three meals a day and getting along with his co-workers again. Chum never stopped visiting even though he's been better, he always came and played with Kiyoomi then left if he already had some fun. He even stocked some cat food inside his pantry so he can feed Chum whenever he visits. 

He also took a vacation leave that his boss kept bugging him to have. He visited the beach that Atsumu has been pleading to go to but he refused because the sand irks him every time. Now he walked barefoot in the same sand, but now wishing that he had Atsumu by his side. 

He also went to the 3D museum that Atsumu was so excited to see, but they cannot because of work. And although Kiyoomi was filled with lovers and families having fun, he doesn't have the guts to take a picture of himself. 

One by one, he fulfilled all Atsumu's wishes, all his pleading and pouts that Kiyoomi always declined to. And Kiyoomi couldn't be any happier by going to those dates he should've said yes to. 

And this… is the last place. 

Kiyoomi sighed as he dragged his feet inside the busy restaurant, and as always, crowded and full of people. He cringes as he make his way towards the counter, hearing the familiar voice that he hasn't heard for a year, tending to the customers. 

"Here's your order, Sir. Thanks for coming to Onigiri Miya!" Kiyoomi was next in line so Osamu spotted him immediately, he almost laughed as he saw Osamu's wide eyes, "Sakusa-san!"

Kiyoomi sat by the counter, smiling, "Hey, Osamu. Can I have an umeboshi?" 

"Well, yeah… This is an onigiri shop, after all…" Osamu's voice felt hesitant talking to him, avoiding his gaze and talking so low, "Is it okay for you to be here?" 

To answer his question,  _ no.  _ Kiyoomi hates crowds, especially if Atsumu isn't there as his shield and comfort. But Kiyoomi promised himself to be better, Atsumu isn't around anymore. He needs to stop depending on him when it comes to these things. He can handle himself. "If you're talking about the crowd, well I can manage." 

Osamu shrugged, "Well then," He straightened his apron, "I'll go make your onigiri. Would you like something to drink?"

"Barley tea, please. The cold one."

"Alright." 

It took almost four minutes for his meal to serve, the onigiri looking delicious as always. He muttered a low  _ "Thank you for the food"  _ before going in and taking his first bite. All while being fully aware that Osamu is staring at him intently. Kiyoomi swallowed the food, brought the glass of tea on his lips next, the cold drink refreshing his throat. He then stared at the food, his mind betraying him by thinking what Atsumu would say if he were here. Would he tease Kiyoomi for eating his twin's onigiri for the first time? Will he be happy? There's no telling now. 

"It's today, isn't it?" Kiyoomi finally broke the silence between them. Because even though the restaurant is as loud as it can get, the uncomfortable tension in between them is evident. He saw how Osamu glanced at the calendar and sighed. "Is that why you are here, Sakusa-san?" 

Kiyoomi shrugged, "Partly, yes." He took another sip of the tea before continuing, "But mostly, I wanted to see how you're doing." 

Osamu gave him a sad smile, leaning on the counter with his arms atop of it. He stared at the sea of people inside of the restaurant, "I think you should know that one." Finally, Osamu looked at him in the eyes, evident his longing and sadness, almost reflecting his own. "It's Tsumu's first death anniversary yet it feels like a normal day." 

"Time flies so fast." Kiyoomi only said as he took another bite of the onigiri. There was silence for a while until Kiyoomi heard a familiar sound. 

_ Meooow.  _

He quickly whips his head to where the sound came from, and sure is- there is a yellow-orange cat stretching on the farthest corner of the counter. He has an empty plate in front of him as he yawns, showing that the feline just woke up. When Chum finally saw him, it jumped in delight and quickly ran towards his direction, jumping to his lap and lying comfortably there with a smile. Kiyoomi smiled back and scratched his chin, "It's really you, huh?"

"Oh? You know the cat, Sakusa-san?" Osamu asked, surprised. 

"Oh, yeah. He visits my apartment every now and then." Kiyoomi petted the cat's head which earned him a loud and happy meow. He can't help but to laugh. "Isn't he sweet?" 

Osamu couldn't help but to stare in awe at the scene happening in front of him. Something about it feels… familiar. Like he has seen this before somewhere, Kiyoomi's smile and fond eyes. Where did he-  _ oh.  _ As realization dawns to him, Osamu's lips curved into a smile, "I can't say so myself. He just came in here meowing loudly for food, really." 

Kiyoomi laughed again, the cat on his lap meowing disapprovingly to Osamu, "He doesn't seem that hungry when he comes to my apartment, though."

"That's what you call favoritism," Osamu shrugged. "You named the cat?" 

"Ah, yes. He's…" Kiyoomi fiddled with his fingers, averting his gaze as if shy, "Chum." 

He blushed harder as he heard Osamu laugh with the name he came up to. But it dies down with the wave of nostalgia. 

"It fits him."

"Right?"

Kiyoomi brushed his hand on the cat that is now sleeping again on his lap, purring quietly, "I'm lucky I have him." 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it! follow me on twt @tsuwukkishima xd


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